Kids who don’t fit in (duh).
People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3 <3.
Girls who didn’t get enough drama when they were younger.
Girls who can’t read. Or think.
Jonathan Safran Foer
30somethings who were cool when they were 20something.
Your mom when she’s at her time of the month.
Boys who don’t read.
Boys who can’t read.
Workaholics seeking validation.
Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.
People who like good music.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
People who can start a fire.
People who used to sleep so heavy that they would pee their pants.
Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.
People who like bondage. Sob stories.
People who don’t use conditioner in their hair.
Edgar Allan Poe
Men who live in their mother’s basements. Or goth seventh graders.
Doctors who went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic.
Women who give their boyfriend marriage ultimatums.
People whose favorite day in elementary school was “Grandparent’s Day”.
Women whose favorite color is hunter green.
Your drunk stepmother.
Women who are usually constipated.
Girls who keep journals (too easy).
Conspiracy theorists (too easy).
People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans.
People who have read only one book in their life and it was To Kill A Mockingbird (and it was their assigned reading in the ninth grade).
Guys who wear skinny jeans and the girls that love them.
Men who own cottages.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
People who get adjustable-rate mortgages.
Men who use words like ‘dubious’ and ‘tenacity’.
Hates the world
Bret Easton Ellis
Foo Fighters’ fans.
Hunter S Thompson
That kid in your philosophy class with the stupid tattoo.
People who used to be fans of J.D. Salinger.
11th graders who peed their pants while watching the movie It.
People who move to Thailand after high school for the drug scene.
Youth group leaders who picked their nose in the 4th grade.
Girls who can’t spell “leheim”.
People who skipped school by hiding out in the gym.
People who own one straw chair in their house.
Older women who are surprisingly loud during sex.
Girls who intern at Nylon but end up moving back to the Midwest for their real job.
People who didn’t go to college but do well on crossword puzzles.
Female high-school French teachers who have their master’s degree.
People who have their significant other grab them under the table in order to shut them up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong.
12 × 42 = 24 × 21
12 × 63 = 36 × 21
12 × 84 = 48 × 21
13 × 62 = 26 × 31
23 × 96 = 69 × 32
24 × 63 = 36 × 42
24 × 84 = 48 × 42
26 × 93 = 39 × 62
36 × 84 = 48 × 63
46 × 96 = 69 × 64
14 × 82 = 28 × 41
23 × 64 = 46 × 32
34 × 86 = 68 × 43
13 × 93 = 39 × 31
i palindrome i
- Symphony No. 1, “Titanic,” for orchestra with contrabass obbligato and Klezmer Band, a bagel and some lox. Oh, and a pickle maybe.
- Symphony No. 2, “Reanimation,” for orchestra, choir, 3–5 adjacent churches, really big organ, undead vocal soloists, trumpetist who shows up late for the gig and has to play off-stage and two woolly mammoths flanking the stage.
- Symphony No. 3, “Who Let the Horns Out,” for orchestra, unchained trombone soloist, boy band choir, “ding-dong” chorus, typewriter and stenographer, 4 Austrian mountains in surround, and whoever has two hours to spare.
- Symphony No. 4, “Sleigh Ride,” for orchestra, out-of-tune violin, and sugar-high soprano doubling religious gourmet chef.
- Symphony No. 5, “Has More Than Just the Slow Movement,” for trumpet, French horn, hearse, harp and back-up band.
- Symphony No. 6, “Angsty,” for orchestra, cowbell, and OMFG scary hammer. Order of the movements may change without notice.
- Symphony No. 7, “Goodnight, Moon,” for mandolin, guitar, long thin metallic hanging tubes, barbershop quartet and orchestra.
- Symphony No. 8, “Symphony of 6.0221415×1023,” for the entire population of Western Europe, the New Zealand National Aboriginal rugby team plus full orchestra.
- Symphony No. 8.5, for orchestra, penguins and solo banjo.
- Symphony No. 8.7, “Procrastination,” for orchestra.
- Symphony No.
, “I Don’t Wanna Die!”, for very paranoid composer and orchestra.
- Symphony No.
, “Oops”, for orchestra, composer who never did primary School maths, King_N00bert, Bongo Drums, Russian Goldfish, and Green Day.
- Das Lied der Erde, a.k.a. The Lying Earth, for dead Chinese poets, drunken tenor, lonely contralto, and sheepish orchestra.
- Symphony No. 9, “Inevitable,” for orchestra, with a nice harp part and apologetic love notes to, and written by, Alma (to be read privately by the conductor but not played).
- Symphony No. 10, “Unfinis…” (also known as “Not Number Ten”) of which only the first movement is played. Completion by Alma Mahler in Gustav’s handwriting; official completion by a ragtag team of forensic musicologists lead by Detective Deryck Cooke (new season this fall on NBC, replacing ER)
this is amazing.
- Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, 1886
This will never stop being COMPLETELY hilarious to me.